Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just saw a hot homeless man
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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