Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
