Pregnant stripper...not hot.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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