you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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