i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
