you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
