i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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