She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
