So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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