Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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