Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
