coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
