I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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