when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
