I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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