Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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