Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
