I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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