help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize