Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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