Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
