i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
