come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
