Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
