This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
it was like eating out sand paper
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
