see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
