What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
