Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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