Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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