So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
