i love accidental penises.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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