Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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