I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
