you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
