guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
