So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
