im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
