"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
