some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
