I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
This is my gift to your gina
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
