wakey wakey hands off snakey
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
