dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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