he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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