why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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