areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
