would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
How does one acquire holy water?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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