these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
