do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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