Well apparently he's into motor boating.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
