So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
