i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize