I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
