Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
