If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
