it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
