walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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