we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
