Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
