Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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