I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
