I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
