i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
