The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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