1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
