apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my shit smells like andre
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she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
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Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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